Never apologize for your excitement

The most practical people will tell you there’s only one reality. But life has taught me that reality is filtered—shaded by our losses, joys, fears, and disappointments. Ten people can walk through the same event, and each will carry away a different story.

 

I once admired a friend for his intelligence, so when I suggested a podcast that had inspired me, I thought he’d hear it as a compliment. Instead, his face hardened. He snapped back as if I had insulted him, as if I was saying he wasn’t curious or smart enough. I sat there stunned. What just happened?

At first, I went into my old pattern—questioning myself, apologizing, trying to explain. Maybe I had been too pushy? Maybe I was just being annoying in my excitement? His sharp response left me carrying guilt and shame that didn’t feel like mine to hold.

 

Over time, though, I realized his reaction had little to do with me. Psychologists call this hostile attribution bias—when past disappointments make us assume the worst. And neuroscientist Anil Seth describes reality itself as a controlled hallucination—our brains don’t show us the world as it is, but as we expect it to be. Which means the “reality” we think we’re sharing isn’t always the same. 

 

At most, I was overly enthusiastic about something I loved—and that isn’t shameful. Slowly, I set down the guilt and shame. I no longer had to carry his distorted view as my truth. We do not have to carry others’ view of the world and their erroneous ways of seeing us. 

 

And like the great philosopher Taylor Swift once said, “the worst kind of person is one that makes someone feel bad, dumb, or stupid for being excited about something. I don’t think you should ever have to apologize for your excitement.”